Fandom Weirdness by Nickolaus Pacione – A Critique Part 1

I also could have called this “Everything I’ve ignored in Strunk & White is in this bowel movement of a story” and be just as accurate. While the entire piece is 6200 words (but feels a good deal longer), I’m going to concentrate on the first page for now. There’s only so much I can take before I feel my will to live slowly leave.

Karen Hintz was noticed regularly on her blog

well, it’s her blog, I would hope she would be noticed. And yes, that’s how it starts.

        She didn’t know that she was about to step into nightmares imagined by author, Richard Matheson, and they were going to take her into dark emotional places.

She also didn’t know she would be the main character in a story so ineptly written, so devoid of anything resembling coherence, that even Richard Matheson couldn’t save it.

        When she stepped away from the word processor, outside of her door was a stranger with an invitation – it was a strange occurrence

Certainly much preferable to reading this story. I envy her.

.  But the stranger was one who could pass for a character in an Edgar Allan Poe short story.

And famous writer mention 2. When you have so little imagination or talent, you always have to mention far better writers. Then I have to wonder why I’m not reading them instead of this turd blossom.

. While racing her fingers across the keyboard she felt there was a darkness plaguing her, and e-mails from pissed off horror writers because she was doing fucked up things to their characters.

Not as fucked up as this I’m sure. I wonder if fictional characters can sue their creators for torture?

        “You took two of his characters and wrote them into an all male romance plot,”  the person commenting is named Hellen Willow, no relation to the ex-gay that a small press publisher published in the pages of his magazine.

Here begins the authors fascination with homosexuality and his trying to come out of the closet. I think, hard to tell what he means in all of that.

        “No you are dealing with a controversial born again Christian who writes with dark spiritual warfare themes,” Hellen typed to her in an instant message.

Not sure how she went to instant messaging from a comment as Pacione doesn’t say anything about that. As stated earlier, coherence and logic are not strong suit.

It was about an hour later when the door bell rang.
“Just a minute, I am coming down.”

Was she upstairs? Or was she coming off some sort of medication? Perhaps that explains her dark feelings.

“Are you interested in summing something that no one will fathom?” he had asked with some dark curiosity

Then he hands her a copy of this, a story as unfathomable as you can get.

        “Nicholas Kane, the author of the story Spectral Exile – a story about a nightclub that fucked up things happened in there.  It was compared to Hell House,” Michael replied.

Ahh Hell House, a fantastic read, wish I had that instead. Also -100 points Slytherin for gratuitous and subliminal mention of far better work.

        “The blogger lifted this story’s idea and made it sexual,” he added.
“Would you like to come in?”

Is that a pass she’s making? We’ll have to wait until part two!

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21 thoughts on “Fandom Weirdness by Nickolaus Pacione – A Critique Part 1

  1. I’m a little sad that you left out the best line in the entire piece of garbage, it actually inspired two new characters for me. Now I just need to bone up on my Cthulhu mythos to do them justice, and by justice I mean make them rather silly.

      1. So tell me, Nicky, how did you like Robin’s interpretation of an adult version of your son, do you think she captured his essence? I feel she captured the most important part, how growing up without you in his life will allow him to become a decent human being capable of giving and receiving love no matter what his sexuality turns out to be.

        And Scott, I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of your review, you’re doing a great job of making this dreck enjoyable.

      2. Hey, wait, stop subjecting my poor character to this story! At least in the last squalid mess of a semi-biographical story you hanged me on public television. I don’t even get a good hanging. No beheading. Not even fed through a chipper-vac. I feel so cheated. *sobs*

      3. We still have 4 more parts, so who knows what fate you meet. I can only read a page a day before I have to resist the urge to gouge out my eyes. I may try for two pages, simply because he pissed off my Mother.

      1. Go wrap a gasoline soaked rainbow flag around your ass and light it then video tape the fucking thing on youtube.com. You made it your personal crusade to shut me down as a publisher. Why? Because I disapprove of gays. I find homosexuality morally wrong and gay marriage a blasphemy of what the sacred vow of marriage is. You hate Evangelical Christians invading the genre, well get used to it — I am going to publish more writers who speak out against homosexuality in stories. You make the claim that I hate women? To tell the truth I love the company of the opposite sex. I find the marriage between a biological man and a woman a beautiful thing. I don’t agree with homosexuality and the writers in the genre trying to glorify homosexuality in horror fiction.
              I am already hated by the gays, I never wrote for the gays in the community. I just give the gays another reason to want to burn an effigy of me.

      2. Please show me the Bible verse where Jesus said that homosexuality was morally wrong? You do realize that in the Bible, marriage was NOT between one man and one woman right? Men could marry multiple women, marry their slaves, marry their brother’s widow, marry their captured female spoils of war, buy women for a couple goats, rapists married their victims, etc. Also Jesus (You know that guy that Christianity is based on) said to love your neighbor as yourself. If you want to pretend to be a christian, you might want to listen to the teachings of that guy, they’re kinda important.

      3. Well, I kinda figured that was Christianity 101. Since they teach that part in Sunday school with lots of pictures and crayons, I thought he MIGHT have a shot.

  2. Great critique. Fandom Weirdness is one of the dumbest titles of one of the worst stories I’ve ever read. The dialogue alone is beyond laughable, like something out of a 13 year old girl’s diary. Nicky’s horror fiction is the most execrable I’ve ever come across and his attempts at science fiction are possibly even worse. His “johnny alien” story is mercifully short but so bad it’s almost unreal.
    Check it out, if you can bear it.

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3952805/1/untitled-johnny-alien-story

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