The Cabbie Homicide – One Cab Ride You Want To Avoid

And not because of the homicide, but it was typed by our favorite fan fic writer. Nicky “two kitchens” Pacione!  You may be wondering how I coulddelve into another one of his scribblings so soon, and the answer is I dipped into my kitty’s stash of catnip.  It was either that or the banana peels.

Oct 13, 1993. I remember that day as the day a friend of mine took the life of a cab driver in Itasca, Illinois.

August 15th, 2013. I remember this day because it was when my nervous system and brain activity spun out of control, near irreversible damage done by just one sentence,

 I have a lot of questions of that night of what went through his mind — and wanting to know why he threw away his life at 17 years old.

I have a lot of questions too, like why would you think you could actually write? I’d suggest basket weaving or collecting toe nails.

here I am close to ten years later writing of this horrifying crime —

Because I haven’t had an original idea since thoughts of model bound up being bombarded by Richard Matheson novels.

As it was written in our school paper

Never mind local news, television or even a pennysaver, when you need info, you go to your high school newspaper.

and there was nothing I was able to say to warn them about it.

That’s due to the fact you dodn’t know about it until long after it happened, dipshit.

Then the next thing I knew was that there was a clipping from The Daily Herold. It was almost out of the pages of a bad nightmare that I was not able to awake from

the thoughts that are still there are what would stay in the shadows wandering.

The bad writing is still there as well.

the questions as there were many when they sat in the courtroom and the horror drawn out from the drama of the jury.

What was the jury doing that was so dramatic? Shouldn’t they have been paying attention? Perhaps victims of your inability to string words together in a coherent fashion.

“You mean to tell me that you knew the murderer,” asked the Cab driver who was driving me from the sporting good store

Bwahahahahahahaha! We all know they greaseball would never go to a sporting goods store. well, unless he was picking out a new sleep sack.

 “I was supposed to do that call that night. The driver that died that night was a friend of mine,” he added.

Totally didn’t see that coming! Oh wait, yes I did.

“Holy shit,” the driver responded, “you are sure brave to write about this. I don’t think if my friend was a murderer — I would not of even tried to write about it. It would scare me so shitless that I could not even sleep at night.

Don’t worry Mr. Cabbie, Pacione is still afraid of his own shadow, and runs away screaming like a little girl.

With that I know it must be done — this narrative in the sense that I try to find the words to describe that he had done,

Well it isn’t, there’s still five more paragraphs of this crap. Don’t tease me!

I can’t. I just can’t.

Someone call me a cab.

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46 comments

  1. Kudos for getting that far! I finished it, and none of it made any sense. Great job breaking it down!

    From what I gathered he didn’t report his friend to the police and didn’t break the news to well…anyone. It’s also not told from the account of the friend telling him. Or did I miss something? So he reads it in the school paper and then writes 10 years later about it in hindsight after reading the paper? I never read him actually overhearing the guy. Maybe he just read it in the paper and then imagined he overheard it? I cannot bring myself to look at it again.

    I think he has a formula when he sits down to write that is to make sure nothing at all happens.

    I missed the sporting goods store reference…creepy.

    Critique the Statue next. I promise that’s a good one!

    Enjoyed the Wham video. I’m not sure why George Michael appears to be making an aerobics video. Different time. Good times.

    • Going by what he wrote, it sounds like he didn’t know until after, but with how he writes, who knows. If he knew and didn’t tell anyone, he could have faced some serious charges.

      When I saw that line could not awake from, I thought of that song. It seemed appropriate. And those short shorts! Egads! ahh I miss the ’80s.

    • Ramsey, that story was my calling card in 2002. It got a magazine editor e-mailing me and inviting me to contribute to that magazine. I cut the story out of the first collection’s Lulu.com reissue because it was way too controversial. I am thinking of including it in a future anthology though when I edit two more nonfiction anthologies. It my first story where I was dealing with the demons of this murder that haunted me since the end of my senior year because I wish I did say something — but the thing was I thought he was just shooting hot air. The horror became real when I saw the newspaper articles about the homicide. The conversation I had with the cab driver taking me to Bloomingdale from Carol Stream was originally supposed to take the call.

  2. You are in no place to be making fun of a story like that. If you knew the back story why it was written you might want to shut the fuck up about making fun of a story that is my most celebrated of my nonfiction stories — The Cabbie Homicide is my creative nonfiction catalog’s example of what I do for publishers. The Writer’s Post Journal’s editor invited me to contribute to the magazine two years after reading the Cabbie Homicide.

    • It’s a poorly written piece of crap, a junkie who went to the same school as you and a few of his friends murdered a guy for cash to get high. It’s a commonplace tragedy and at best you fail to present any insight or emotional resonance to the case. At worst you admit to failing to report the crime due to you being a cowardly little shit, though you might have edited that part out I don’t care to attempt to reread that pile of shite again to find out.

    • You are so clueless Nicky. Still completely lacking the brain cells to grasp that stories with the same title can be totally different. And do you REALLY think I’d submit my stories to anyone that would even remotely considering publishishing your horribly written fan fic?

      • My work is not fanfiction you fat bloated whore. If I was a fan fiction writer I wouldn’t be allowed to publish with Lulu.com or sold to Withersin Magazine. You swiped my science fiction stories to disassociate them with me, you did that purposely to piss me off.

      • And thanks to your nasty “fat bloated whore” (considering how fat you are you shouldn’t make fun of other fat people) comment I think I’ll write another story with one of your titles. Perhaps ghosts in the tornado or house of spiders?

      • I’ve got a few pieces of Nicky’s crap that were kindly donated to me lying around, might take a whack at a little review myself since half deranged from insomnia is probably the best state of mind outside of blind drunk to tackle his blithering nonsense.

      • I played Saints Row IV recently myself, just blitzed through it since it was just so much fun to play and never took itself too seriously. Aside from that I’ve been reading good books, reread Barry Hughart’s Master Li books and moved on to my Gaiman books as I’m hoping to absorb some of their whimsical tone for when I get to work on my submission for the anthology this weekend.

      • I’ve been reading some Lovecraft, so I can get the right tone for the story I’m about to start. As I’m reading, it amazes me just how unlike Lovecraft nikita is, despite what he says

      • I’m reading the wheel of time series by robert jordan currently, and when I need a break from that I’m reading dresden files books by jim butcher just because they’re pure fun!

      • I picked up the first Dresden Files book by Jim Butcher after watching the so so syfy channel series based on them. I was SO happy that the books turned out to be a lot of fun with a lot of very funny scenes, action and good writing.

      • Nicky, 1/2 your work is fan fiction. Withersin? They probably put you in as a joke, and that was what 10+ years ago? I’m lost as to how that is a big credit anyway. You don’t even realize how comical your writing is that you cannot get past the first paragraph without name dropping another author who you wish you could write like.

        You think a kid poking around a lake for a creature, filming it and then going on his merry way is science fiction? There’s nothing to even steal there. NOTHING HAPPENS IN YOUR STORIES! It’s not even science fiction, maybe the story of a 2nd grader- although I would think they would put a more creative spin on it.

      • Withersin issued an apology for publishing Nicky’s work.

        It’s interesting that the man-child crows about credits from subpro markets that are far too old to be relevant.

      • I went to college Brendan. It is college level. You are going around degrading my work just because you don’t understand it. Let’s see you write a horror story using your real life for inspiration.

      • It wasn’t for trying to fondle the other sailors? We know how you like horsing around. That also explains why you haven’t learned to write, edit, format or publish yet.

      • In fact, that you did one semester in college (barely) does not make your writing “college level.” You can’t even write a paragraph without committing errors in spelling, punctuation or grammar. The “you don’t understand it” is the common cry of every crappy writer that doesn’t even try to develop any skill with the craft. They’re the lazy, talentless flotsam in the writing world, and you fall right into that category when you issue that statement.

      • One semester of community college does NOT make you college educated, nor does it mean you have the ability to write on a “college level” Tell me Nicky, did you take any creative writing classes, and if so what sort of grade did you earn?

      • Nicky, hmmm…you rode the short bus in school. Didn’t you disclose that when you applied to the military? So…we are supposed to believe your learning disability wasn’t discovered until AFTER you joined the military?

        I think that’s just a nice why of saying you were discharged b/c you were too dumb and/or lazyto follow orders or for dropping the soap one too many times in the communal showers.

      • Nicky, I had a friend who taught himself to read and write after having two chunks of his brain removed, and he could out read and out write you. He continued learning and contributing to society, whereas you provide zero value to your community or the arts.

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