Getting Submissions The Pacione Way

First, you start by posting a self pic giving the camera your stubby middle finger. Follow this up by making a face as if you just pooped your pants. Third, make sure it’s so low res that it appears blurry and blotchy (though in this case, it’s an improvement). Since he’ll scream if I use the picture here, go take a quick look. http://unclefossil.wordpress.com/ Note: I am not responsible for any ill effects you may succumb to by viewing said photo. Proceed at your own risk! 

Once that’s done, refer people to wikipedia because you’re too incompetent to say what you want. Assure potential submissions that it will take 5 editors to make it coherent, then confuse them by calling yourself an executive producer.

Also, make sure you let everyone know your crap will be the lead story, no matter how much better other stories may be (let’s face it, anything will be better than his).

Refer people to a social network to get ideas for characters. Since Nicky has no clue how to create a character, he thinks everyone is as ignorant as himself.

Finally, pimp your own work in a lame attempt to make sales.

Do all that, and you can be as successful as Lake Fossil Press!

Advertisements

91 comments

  1. The picture was from a show I hosted in 2008 — it was taken by someone who snapped the picture of the opening band’s lead vocalist, the vocalist of my Gothicfest 2007 mate, Mykil Grim, and me as I was catching some air as my best friends were warming up before their set. I can write, just that you faggots are spoiled by Poppy Z. Brite and Clive Barker entertaining faggots while someone comes along like O.S. Card speaking out against homosexuality.

    • COMPLETELY unprofessional. Nobody in their right mind would want to work with someone that thinks that sort of photo is appropriate. It just makes you look bad and it would make anyone who worked with you look bad. As if anyone actually wants to work with you, but that’s another story.

      • His middle finger is really short and stubby too. I wonder if he doesn’t realize everyone is going to know that Melany was right about umm…well you know…he really ought to not show his tiny finger size.

    • You don’t get it. I don’t even know who these people you are referring to. You cannot write. Worse, you don’t get any better. If anything you get worse. It has nothing to do with homosexuality of which you are well versed in writing about. Watch a lot of gay porn? Why would anyone possibly want to submit anything to you? Oh that’s right so you can fill some pages b/c you know you cannot write.

      • I can write. If I could’t write you facless dyke, I would not had been placed in Emanations.; You are going to insult the people who believe in my work? You go dissing me with your fucking little “story” without reading a single ounce of my work. you don’t just fucking get it.

      • Nicky, unfortunately I’ve read your work which is why my stories are so funny. If you had an ounce of reading comprehension you could figure that out. You’ll just have to buy the anthology when it comes out. Sorry, no freebies until then. I had more people read my little “story” than you ever had read one of your books.

    • You’re an idiot Nicky. Your work is cr@p, and you know it. You don’t even try to fix it. You fail to understand criticizing someone’s body of work doesn’t mean they are criticizing someone who published it 10+ years ago. Oh and it’s not a “story”- it’s stories, and tonight the main character is going to wash his hair in Fossil Lake b/c he’s dirty and greasy.

    • Hey Nicky, April Derlith came to me in a vision last night and said she never said how great you were. She said to tell you to prove it, because there is no proof. She said you really ought to stop pretending people said things when they didn’t (just as fake press releases, fake quotes and disparaging the dead by claiming endorsement of yourself).

  2. What’s with all the Twilight Zone fanfiction references from Nicky lately? For someone who claims to hate fan fiction he lacks any imagination.

    5 supposed editors?? How can he not back up his work? Dropbox is even free….yeesh…

      • Melany you fat bloated whore, stealing my fucking titles for your recognition. My magazines alumni is well aware of what you are doing — stealing my titles that are closely associated with me, you are better off getting recognized by having a bukkake party with the entire backward hick town of Hampton, Iowa. For the record, April called me the hybrid of H.P. Lovecraft and her father about a month before I was published the first time and the curator of the Poe museum said that I was an updated version of Poe. Both over the phone, I kept what April said silent for nearly 7 years — when she died, I had to let people know who said it. If you want to insult Grabowsky for opening to door for me to be published, you can stay in your fucking one horse down and rot in the grave. You just don’t want our son seeing what I do — because you are deathly afraid that he would want the culture that I was blessed with.

      • He wouldn’t be embarrassed, he would be intrigued by a man who accomplished a lot but still trying to make his mark. How I keep promises to friends I made nearly 10 years ago before I got published, and the Chicago metal scene helped me make good on that promise I made to them, when I was 23.

      • LOL! You really need to take a good look at yourself. You’re the most unpleasant person I know. And you’ve accomplished nothing. You, your writing, and LFP are one big failure. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have to beg, borrow and steal for material. You’d make enough to finance the next book. But no, you make dick from it, because it’s so bad.

        Time to face reality, you’re not getting any younger.

      • I am far from being a failure, just faggots like you and stuck up rim jobs like Darren McKeeman told everyone to give the book shit reviews without fucking reading the damn thing. You wonder why he is out of the job at gothic.net — it is because I ended his career as an editor. I will make my money — just have to do it with nook as that is how I made money from More Frightening The Fiction. Are you going to insult Grabowsky and Vinson because they enjoy my work — as you consider Grabowsky one of your friends.

      • Nook will be out of business within a year you bozo. Don’t you read any news about what’s happening? No wonder you never make money, you have no business sense and too fucking lazy to do any research.

        I on the other hand had 5 articles published in the last two weeks. What about you? That’s right, too busy blaming everyone but yourself for your failure.

      • If she had given you such a high compliment, why would you keep it a secret for seven years? That makes absolutely NO sense. IF she had said any such thing, you of all people would be crowing about it all over the place.

      • No Nicky- the curator NEVER compared you to Poe. You are a liar. He issued a statement denouncing that which you already know but refuse to acknowledge. I know him you raging idiot. It’s just like every other blurb you claim you have (usually from dead people) b/c you think it cannot be verified. Well, that’s where you are wrong. The museum and the curator in no way endorses anything you wrote and NEVER made anything remotely similar to a comparison b/t you and Poe. April never gave you a blurb either. The extent of your lying is pathetic.

      • “… I kept what April said silent for nearly 7 years — when she died, I had to let people know who said it.”

        Horsehockey. You kept your lying shut about until then because you knew she’d refute you for saying it.

      • You are a failure, Mr. Pacione. If you were such a raging success instead of a raging you-know-what, you wouldn’t have to keep reminding people about how successful you are. You wouldn’t keep whining about how everybody else prevents you from making sales You would have those sales. You don’t. Therefore, you are not a success in your career.

        You would not keep whining about how others are preventing you from having a girlfriend. You would have one, if you were a nice person, and paid some attention to personal hygiene You do not. Therefore you are not a success in your personal life.

        I could go on, but I’m getting bored.

    • Your son wouldn’t be intrigued you would embarrass the hell out of him with your disgusting looks, behavior, attitude towards everyone that isn’t you. He wouldn’t find your ‘jokes’ about rape, incest, necrophilia, and bestiality funny even if he could understand them. We’re going to make damn sure you don’t get anywhere near him.

  3. Oh, for heaven’s sake. Poor April Derleth. I liked her a lot when I met her, but she would be the first to admit that she wasn’t qualified to be an editor. That’s why she hired Jim Turner and then Peter Ruber. On that basis, I’m afraid her literary judgment isn’t too significant (she thought, for instance, that I wrote science fiction).

    • Nickinocchio has a history of lying about endorsements. I am sure April never gave any such endorsement, just has the curator of the Poe Museum has denied ever calling him the “updated version of Poe” as he has suddenly claimed. Reality eludes him.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s