Fandom Weirdness Critique Part Deux (deux deux more like it)

When last we left our noble heroine Karen Hintz,  she was being propositioned by a sexually confused Mary Sue. Let’s peek in and see what happens next! I’m sure it will be uber darkity dark!

        “I don’t mind having a beer.”

That’s pretty much a necessity for everyone. Drink up! I’ll wait.

 “Have you ever experienced Déjà vu?” Michael asked as he cracked the top of the beer bottle.

Every time I read Peaches work I do. And aren’t there better ways of opening a bottle than cracking it? Seems a bit…dangerous.

It was a few hours later when Michael finished his beer and smoked his last cigarette.

A few hours for one beer?!? Lightweight.

“I am going to a diner to get something to eat. You are welcomed to join me.”

First beer, now dinner. The phrase wine me, dine me, 69 me comes to mind. I wish it hadn’t.

   In her mind it was a dark surreal imagination of what she would do with an actor she worshipped thinking what kind of nightmare she could dream up – it was a surreal place that is fandom and the writers like A.J. Poe who would get pissed when he sees his characters into situations that are truly bastardized

I’ve read directions on how to assemble IKEA furniture that made more sense. I mean seriously, what does this mean? I wonder if he had a stroke (not THAT kind you naughty minded people) while writing this?

 They walked over to Michael’s 1980 Cutlass Supreme and drove somewhere to grab a bite.

I’ve been to somewhere, they make a great apple pie. Also, a damn fine cup of coffee.

Michael spoke that the world of fandom is a weird, dark place where stalkers would lift the concepts and plots of original horror writers and do unauthorized stories based on the storylines of the original tale.

Exactly what the closeted Pacione does, though he writes it so incoherently you would never guess everything he’s done has ripped off the best writers around.

“They actually put a curse on the original author because they caught them stealing his concepts and title for a story similar and making the character he created into something they are not,”

I would think having to read this is curse enough. Or enough to make you curse, one or the other.

“Jesus, I think I heard of this blogger.  He is part of the circle that would lift the author’s characters to pick on his work,” she responded

Even worse, part of that circle that repeats the same thoughts and phrases to pad a word count.

        “The horror community wanted to draw and quarter him because he wrote that one.  It caused shit storm among the horror circles, the mass market counterparts would edit his comments to make him look like a homosexual fan fiction writer of sit-com fandoms,” he continued as he drove.

Mary Sue has a far higher opinion of herself than anyone else does, including family.

        “They wanted to draw and quarter him with semi-trucks

Yeah, I saw The Hitcher too. Great movie. I should watch that instead.

        “The horror stories of the small press wander around all the time

Much like the Island of Lost Toys, these lonely, abandoned stories wandering around. At least they’re safe from Pacione’s greasy mitts there.

 “He was a writer who voiced a hard line view in the industry.  A writer of all male romance take on horror

Also Nick’s favorite subject, fancy that.

People on a site called would lift him and write fan fiction passing him off as a flaming homosexual,”

I think he does a pretty good job of that himself.


And now we leave our heroine stuck in a 33 year old car with a stroke victim who can’t close the deal as his homosexuality emerges. Maybe something exciting will happen in Part III. Something, anything. Please.



Fandom Weirdness by Nickolaus Pacione – A Critique Part 1

I also could have called this “Everything I’ve ignored in Strunk & White is in this bowel movement of a story” and be just as accurate. While the entire piece is 6200 words (but feels a good deal longer), I’m going to concentrate on the first page for now. There’s only so much I can take before I feel my will to live slowly leave.

Karen Hintz was noticed regularly on her blog

well, it’s her blog, I would hope she would be noticed. And yes, that’s how it starts.

        She didn’t know that she was about to step into nightmares imagined by author, Richard Matheson, and they were going to take her into dark emotional places.

She also didn’t know she would be the main character in a story so ineptly written, so devoid of anything resembling coherence, that even Richard Matheson couldn’t save it.

        When she stepped away from the word processor, outside of her door was a stranger with an invitation – it was a strange occurrence

Certainly much preferable to reading this story. I envy her.

.  But the stranger was one who could pass for a character in an Edgar Allan Poe short story.

And famous writer mention 2. When you have so little imagination or talent, you always have to mention far better writers. Then I have to wonder why I’m not reading them instead of this turd blossom.

. While racing her fingers across the keyboard she felt there was a darkness plaguing her, and e-mails from pissed off horror writers because she was doing fucked up things to their characters.

Not as fucked up as this I’m sure. I wonder if fictional characters can sue their creators for torture?

        “You took two of his characters and wrote them into an all male romance plot,”  the person commenting is named Hellen Willow, no relation to the ex-gay that a small press publisher published in the pages of his magazine.

Here begins the authors fascination with homosexuality and his trying to come out of the closet. I think, hard to tell what he means in all of that.

        “No you are dealing with a controversial born again Christian who writes with dark spiritual warfare themes,” Hellen typed to her in an instant message.

Not sure how she went to instant messaging from a comment as Pacione doesn’t say anything about that. As stated earlier, coherence and logic are not strong suit.

It was about an hour later when the door bell rang.
“Just a minute, I am coming down.”

Was she upstairs? Or was she coming off some sort of medication? Perhaps that explains her dark feelings.

“Are you interested in summing something that no one will fathom?” he had asked with some dark curiosity

Then he hands her a copy of this, a story as unfathomable as you can get.

        “Nicholas Kane, the author of the story Spectral Exile – a story about a nightclub that fucked up things happened in there.  It was compared to Hell House,” Michael replied.

Ahh Hell House, a fantastic read, wish I had that instead. Also -100 points Slytherin for gratuitous and subliminal mention of far better work.

        “The blogger lifted this story’s idea and made it sexual,” he added.
“Would you like to come in?”

Is that a pass she’s making? We’ll have to wait until part two!

The Porcine Predator Pacione Returns

Well he never really left, but since November of 2010, he’d pretty much ignored me. That was fine, as his homophobic vitriol, threats, and insults were a time sink that could be better served to being productive. However, despite my attempts to ignore him, he’s seen fit to pop up on my radar once again, so here I am, taking him to task.

He started with giving my novella Barbed Wire Kisses a one star review on GoodReads, along with a hate filled review in which he admitted he hadn’t read it. Rightfully, it was deleted by the admins and the unwashed heap of dung was banned. Again. He then one starred it with an equally homophobic review filled with personal attacks on Amazon. Unfortunately Amazon doesn’t seem to care and repeated requests to have it removed have been ignored. 

That’s fine, it hasn’t hurt my sales, and I had some very nice people defending me in the comments of his “review”. Scattered around this site are some comments from him that I edited for clarity, and today I received another missive on writerscafe, which states,

I don’t want the genre molested with the goddamned faggotry.  Shut up and let me do my anthologies in peace.  Your novel is a piece of shit.  I published better than that.


This is typical for Nikita. He attacks those who have a vastly superior talent to his. He’ll curse, threaten, stamp his feet, hold his breath and play victim all the while engaging in activity he accuses everyone else of. 

It would be amusing were it not for the fact he threatens to rape peoples wives while they watch, yell people to fuck the ashes of a dead relative, tries to lure underage girls to model, and is so deluded he thinks he can actually write and edit. This has gone on for years. My old blog, is chock full of posts concerning his behavior. 

He hates everything and everyone who doesn’t think he’s a genius (despite a low double digit IQ) but most of all he hates himself. And who can blame him for that? He has a history of violence, is not allowed to see his son, and yet expects to be treated like he is a peer.

He has absolutely no concept of how to write a story, and dialog is beyond his comprehension. The fact he thinks my novella is shit is a compliment, as it tells me I’ve done something right. 

He hates everyone who is better than him, and everyone is light years beyond his ability. Even Twilight is Shakespeare compared to his near illiterate tales. He cites many excellent authors as an inspiration but hasn’t displayed any of their exceptional gifts. 

Pacione is a fraud. He parades around as if he’s taken seriously, yet gets banned and kicked from literally every site he ever logged into. For anyone unfortunate enough to come into contact with him, run! Do not send him any of your stories, there are far more worthwhile and legitimate publishers who would gladly publish you.

All he will do is drag you down with him. 


Win a signed, paperback copy of Barbed Wire Kisses!

In honor of my Mother’s birthday tomorrow, I’ll be making the ebook of BWK free but that’s not all!  To promote the upcoming paperback release, I’ll be holding a contest. Download BWK tomorrow (or if you can’t wait you can certainly buy it today), write a review on Amazon, Goodreads, your own blog -anywhere really-and just post a link to it here. On Sunday May 12(Mother’sDay of course) I’ll pick a winner at random who will receive a signed copy of the paperback version being released next week! This contest is open to anyone worldwide, so spread the word!

Continue reading “Win a signed, paperback copy of Barbed Wire Kisses!”

Music of the Spheres

I wrote this in June of 2010 and rereading it, there’s nothing I would change.

Songs Which Defined A Decade

Posted: June 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

Thanks to my twitter follower and friend @chrism799 for the idea for this blog entry. He tweeted asking about favorite song from the ’80s, and my response was  that the ’80s defined my life and musical tastes and I couldn’t pick just one. He suggested making a list, and so here it is. This is by no means a definitive list, but simply the 25 songs that made an impact on me in some way. I’m relying only on memory for the songs, but have looked up the year they were released. They’re in no particular order and when available I’m providing the youtube link.

1. Relax – Frankie Goes to Hollywood (1982) This was actually the first song that came to mind when Chris asked the question. I’m not sure why, other than it seems to typify the overblown, overly dramatic dance music that many think of when the ’80s are mentioned. Oh I guess the the theme of the song, having an Orgasm had something to do with it, but it was a great song then and still holds up today.

2. Abacab – Genesis (1981) The first album of the ’80s by Genesis, saw a much stripped down and poppier release than anything else previously. Gone were the prog rock songs from the Gabriel era, and yet Abacab is one of the last vestiges of the days gone by. I much prefer a live version of this song, as it packs more punch, and it features Phil singing at his screaming best.  In this youtube clip when Phil goes back on the drumkit and plays along with Chester Thompson is nothing short of breathtaking.

3. In the Air Tonight – Phil Collins(1982) I might be double dipping here and there, but truly one of the classic songs from that decade was In the Air Tonight; not just for the booming drums, but also for all the urban myths surrounding the lyrics and what they meant. Again another live performance with more stellar drumming from Phil and Chester.

4. White Wedding Part 1 -Billy Idol (1982) Billy Idol was my first MTV crush. The first time I saw him, and this video, I got a raging hardon that wouldn’t go away. From the platinum blonde hair, to the sneer, and the leather pants, Idol and this song oozes hard, hot sweaty sex.

5. Script for a Jester’s Tear – Marillion(1983) This is simply one of the best songs by one of the best bands with one of the best singers I’ve ever heard. Anyone who knows me well, knows my absolute unadorned love for the early Marillion music, and Fish, the lead singer (who will make an appearance on the list later) in particular. For me this will always be a song tied to a bad breakup for me in 1990, but back in ’83 it was simply a catharsis I wouldn’t begin to comprehend.

6. Like A Virgin – Madonna (1984) Any list wouldn’t be complete without Madonna, and this song represents everything I loved about her in the early days, fun, slightly slutty and way ahead of her time.

7. Wild Boys – Duran Duran(1984) Like Madonna, no list about ’80s music is complete without Duran Duran; however instead of choosing the obvious, it’s The Wild Boys that really desrves to be here. It had everything a horny teenager could want, hot men, leather and hints of bondage. all with a kick ass percussive sound. Aside from that it also reminds me of one of the great loves of my life, Jim S.  who I met because of a  love for DD’s music.  The video is an extended version and well worth watching.

8. Bela Lugosi’s Dead – Bahaus(1979) Ok technically not a song from the ’80s but close enough. Bahaus’ classic song is nothing short of what goth truly is, before it got filled with CUre wannabes. It’s sleek, sexy and dangerous.

9. Soft Cell – Tainted Love(1981) A remake of a Gloria Jones song from 1964 that went nowhere then, was revived and made not only a staple of ’80s collections, but a classic song period. The first link is for the Soft Cell version and the second is for the original version.

10. Sex(I’m a…) – Berlin Yet another staple, but also one of the songs that immediately made me want to go out and get laid. As I said to Chris, More people fucked to Berlin in the ’80s than all the other groups combined.

11. Shock the Monkey – Peter Gabriel(1982) I remember the first time I heard this song. I was on the bus going to school, sitting in the back drooling over Steve M and his surfer boy good looks. I hated it at first. Maybe it was the tinny speakers on the bus that the driver insisted on blaring music from, but it grated on my nerves. Then I saw the video and it all made sense. I think. 28 years later I still love this song and think Gabriel is simply one of the best musicians around.

12. Breakaway – Big Pig (1988) Too obscure to even be a one hit wonder, Big Pig was an Australian group of 7 musicians who only used percussion and a synth, plus vocals. The results are simply stunning. My roommate Joe A. turned me onto them and I fell in love immediately.

13. Beds Are Burning – Midnight Oil(1987) Another Australian group, and one of the most politically motivated of the time (moreso even than U2). M.O. made caring about things cool again.

14. AEIOU Sometimes Y – Ebn Ozn (1983) One of my favorite electronic bands, their one and only album was a masterpiece, with not one bad song on it (in my opinion) This was their biggest hit. I still know every single word. I’m very happy to say the whole album is available as a download on Amazon. That was long overdue!

15. Safety Dance – Men Without Hats (1982) This is one of those songs that everyone thinks of when they think of the ’8o’s music, and who can blame them? It’s a fun, silly little song that forces you to get up and dance.

16, Too Shy – Kajagoogoo(1983) Known as much for their hair as their music, Too Shy was an early favorite of mine, and seemed to be played on MTV once an hour. Lead singer Limahl has an incredibly soft and sweet voice, and uses it to full effect here.

17. Cliche – Fish (1990) Though technically not in the ’80s (well okay not in a year with an eight in it), I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention one of the very best songs from Fish’s debut solo album. Frank Usher’s guitar work is absolutely incredible, in this song that is as romantic as it is fresh and unsappy (if that’s not a word it should be).

18. Hold Me Now – Thompson Twins(1983) Not only did lead singer Tom Bailey remind me of my b/f at the time Jim S, but his low seductive voice absolutely sent chills down my spine. The TT’s were one of those great bands that made a CD full of good to great songs that never made you regret picking up their work.

19. Change – Tears for Fears(1983) Perhaps one of the more original of the new wave groups to come out of the ’80s, T4F  never made a truly bad record. Change came from their first album The Hurting, which also has its most famous song, “Mad World”. I happen to remember Change far better.

20. Dance Hall Days – Wang Chung (1984) I fell in love with this song when I first heard it, and it makes a great companion to the next song in the list as well.

21. Come Dancing – The Kinks(1983) what can you say about seminal rock band The Kinks? They broke barriers with their song about a transvestite Lola in the ’60s and continued to produce classic music for decades. This is one of my absolute favorites from this time period.

22. Let’s Dance – David Bowie(1983) I remember the first time I heard this was on our Senior SPring Fling for school. I was on a ferry going to Catalina Island, and I had to dance. I had to.

23. Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners(1982) This song has been stuck in my head for almost 30 years. Now it’s your turn.

24. Sweet Dreams(are made of this) Eurythmics(1983) What can I say about this one? It certainly played nonstop on my cassette player for a good long time.

25. Sunday Bloody Sunday – U2(1982) No list would be worth it’s salt without a mention of U2. The first song I ever heard from them was this one, and I was so blown away by its raw emotion, and political statement, it still rings with authenticity today.

As I look at this list, I see a majority of the songs are from 81-84, and I think for me, as I was in high school those years, they certainly define everything musically for me. There are at least 25 more I could have added, but that has to be saved for another time.