Fandom Weirdness Critique Part Deux (deux deux more like it)

When last we left our noble heroine Karen Hintz,  she was being propositioned by a sexually confused Mary Sue. Let’s peek in and see what happens next! I’m sure it will be uber darkity dark!

        “I don’t mind having a beer.”

That’s pretty much a necessity for everyone. Drink up! I’ll wait.

 “Have you ever experienced Déjà vu?” Michael asked as he cracked the top of the beer bottle.

Every time I read Peaches work I do. And aren’t there better ways of opening a bottle than cracking it? Seems a bit…dangerous.

It was a few hours later when Michael finished his beer and smoked his last cigarette.

A few hours for one beer?!? Lightweight.

“I am going to a diner to get something to eat. You are welcomed to join me.”

First beer, now dinner. The phrase wine me, dine me, 69 me comes to mind. I wish it hadn’t.

   In her mind it was a dark surreal imagination of what she would do with an actor she worshipped thinking what kind of nightmare she could dream up – it was a surreal place that is fandom and the writers like A.J. Poe who would get pissed when he sees his characters into situations that are truly bastardized

I’ve read directions on how to assemble IKEA furniture that made more sense. I mean seriously, what does this mean? I wonder if he had a stroke (not THAT kind you naughty minded people) while writing this?

 They walked over to Michael’s 1980 Cutlass Supreme and drove somewhere to grab a bite.

I’ve been to somewhere, they make a great apple pie. Also, a damn fine cup of coffee.

Michael spoke that the world of fandom is a weird, dark place where stalkers would lift the concepts and plots of original horror writers and do unauthorized stories based on the storylines of the original tale.

Exactly what the closeted Pacione does, though he writes it so incoherently you would never guess everything he’s done has ripped off the best writers around.

“They actually put a curse on the original author because they caught them stealing his concepts and title for a story similar and making the character he created into something they are not,”

I would think having to read this is curse enough. Or enough to make you curse, one or the other.

“Jesus, I think I heard of this blogger.  He is part of the circle that would lift the author’s characters to pick on his work,” she responded

Even worse, part of that circle that repeats the same thoughts and phrases to pad a word count.

        “The horror community wanted to draw and quarter him because he wrote that one.  It caused shit storm among the horror circles, the mass market counterparts would edit his comments to make him look like a homosexual fan fiction writer of sit-com fandoms,” he continued as he drove.

Mary Sue has a far higher opinion of herself than anyone else does, including family.

        “They wanted to draw and quarter him with semi-trucks

Yeah, I saw The Hitcher too. Great movie. I should watch that instead.

        “The horror stories of the small press wander around all the time

Much like the Island of Lost Toys, these lonely, abandoned stories wandering around. At least they’re safe from Pacione’s greasy mitts there.

 “He was a writer who voiced a hard line view in the industry.  A writer of all male romance take on horror

Also Nick’s favorite subject, fancy that.

People on a site called Somethingawful.com would lift him and write fan fiction passing him off as a flaming homosexual,”

I think he does a pretty good job of that himself.

 

And now we leave our heroine stuck in a 33 year old car with a stroke victim who can’t close the deal as his homosexuality emerges. Maybe something exciting will happen in Part III. Something, anything. Please.

 

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Fandom Weirdness by Nickolaus Pacione – A Critique Part 1

I also could have called this “Everything I’ve ignored in Strunk & White is in this bowel movement of a story” and be just as accurate. While the entire piece is 6200 words (but feels a good deal longer), I’m going to concentrate on the first page for now. There’s only so much I can take before I feel my will to live slowly leave.

Karen Hintz was noticed regularly on her blog

well, it’s her blog, I would hope she would be noticed. And yes, that’s how it starts.

        She didn’t know that she was about to step into nightmares imagined by author, Richard Matheson, and they were going to take her into dark emotional places.

She also didn’t know she would be the main character in a story so ineptly written, so devoid of anything resembling coherence, that even Richard Matheson couldn’t save it.

        When she stepped away from the word processor, outside of her door was a stranger with an invitation – it was a strange occurrence

Certainly much preferable to reading this story. I envy her.

.  But the stranger was one who could pass for a character in an Edgar Allan Poe short story.

And famous writer mention 2. When you have so little imagination or talent, you always have to mention far better writers. Then I have to wonder why I’m not reading them instead of this turd blossom.

. While racing her fingers across the keyboard she felt there was a darkness plaguing her, and e-mails from pissed off horror writers because she was doing fucked up things to their characters.

Not as fucked up as this I’m sure. I wonder if fictional characters can sue their creators for torture?

        “You took two of his characters and wrote them into an all male romance plot,”  the person commenting is named Hellen Willow, no relation to the ex-gay that a small press publisher published in the pages of his magazine.

Here begins the authors fascination with homosexuality and his trying to come out of the closet. I think, hard to tell what he means in all of that.

        “No you are dealing with a controversial born again Christian who writes with dark spiritual warfare themes,” Hellen typed to her in an instant message.

Not sure how she went to instant messaging from a comment as Pacione doesn’t say anything about that. As stated earlier, coherence and logic are not strong suit.

It was about an hour later when the door bell rang.
“Just a minute, I am coming down.”

Was she upstairs? Or was she coming off some sort of medication? Perhaps that explains her dark feelings.

“Are you interested in summing something that no one will fathom?” he had asked with some dark curiosity

Then he hands her a copy of this, a story as unfathomable as you can get.

        “Nicholas Kane, the author of the story Spectral Exile – a story about a nightclub that fucked up things happened in there.  It was compared to Hell House,” Michael replied.

Ahh Hell House, a fantastic read, wish I had that instead. Also -100 points Slytherin for gratuitous and subliminal mention of far better work.

        “The blogger lifted this story’s idea and made it sexual,” he added.
“Would you like to come in?”

Is that a pass she’s making? We’ll have to wait until part two!